• Published by Salsabilatuzzahra Jaha S.Psi. from BehaviorPALS Center 

In married life, debates are common and are something that couples will always encounter. Of course, this happens since marriage is about bringing together 2 different individuals in 1 house. It is the couple’s differences that may rise to a debate. However, not to worry, this is very natural and normal in household life. Nevertheless, debates that are not resolved properly will certainly have an impact on relationships. So, we need to communicate this debate in order to get a resolution.
 

Is it true that we just need to keep quiet until the problem subsides?

Is “silence is golden” true? At some points, this might be true, but silence is not forever a gold standard. When there is a debate, many couples end up just staying silent and not solving the problem. Another example: a wife does silent treatment to her partner in the hope that he is aware of his mistakes. This really doesn't solve the problem and will even worsen the relationship. Silent treatment has proven to trigger the brain to activate physical pain and emotions. Silence is appropriate after discussion to give you and your partner time to think about what was discussed before.

Communicate with Your Partner

Communication is the key to the continuity of household relationships. Many couples neglect communication so it has an impact on their relationship. When there is a debate in particular, it would be better for you to be able to build good communication. Here are tips for starting positive communication with your partner:

• Be intentional when talking to your partner.

Good communication is established when the conversation between the two people is full of intention. Most couples don't have good conversations since they don’t really mean it and are distracted by gadgets or other things. Therefore, take the time to talk to your partner as best as you can by turning off your phone that can distract your conversation.

• Use more "I" statements and fewer "you" statements.

"You" statements tend to be negative as if you are blaming your partner. You can use sentences like "I hope you can appreciate me taking care of the house and taking care of the children" instead of "You never respect me!"

• Be specific when problems arise

When problem A occurs, then focus the discussion on problem A and things that are still related to the problem. Avoid expanding the problem by saying "You are always like this whenever there is a problem!"

• Avoid having excess prejudice

If other people act as if they know more than you think, it can be frustrating. If you want to know something from your partner, try asking, but avoid making assumptions. Also, if you have something to say to your partner,  like if you want a night out or need help to wash the dishes, just say it. Don't give out hints, or codes and just expect your partner to know what you really want.

• Express negative feelings constructively

Negative feelings are also important to communicate. Negative feelings include annoyance, disappointment, disapproval, or rejection. However, it's also about how you can better express those feelings. For example, you can express your disappointment with "I'm disappointed you came home late tonight" instead of saying "You never care about me and the children because you always come home late!".

• Express positive feelings freely!

Of course, don't forget to express positive feelings to your partner. Even though it will be easier to express negative feelings, giving positive affirmations to your partner will build a healthier marriage relationship. Showing appreciation, affection, respect, admiration, approval, and warmth to your partner is like making a deposit into your love account.

• Be willing to apologize and provide forgiveness

Maybe this will be very difficult, but with a kind heart like this, the household will be better off. We can't always be the right one all the time, including when arguing with your partner.

Those were some tips on building communication with your partner. Hope it's useful!

By Salsabilatuzzahra Jaha S.Psi from the BehaviorPALS Center

Source: First thing (3 April 2023). https://f.hubspotusercontent00.net/hubfs/2294702/The%20Magic%20of%20Communication%20In%20Marriage%20(1).pdf

Married life, Arguing, Problem

Newborn 0 - 6 Months / Newborn 0 - 6 Bulan / Marriage & Relationship / Hubungan Suami & Istri / Family / Keluarga / When you're arguing with your partner, what should you do? Communication Tips with Your Partner.

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