• Published by Theofania Natasya Rukma, S.Psi from Blubridge Center 

We often hear questions such as 'when do you want to have children?' when we are a newly married couple. No wonder if a married couple in Indonesia immediately decides to have children after marriage. Otherwise, they seem to be 'different' from existing social norms. But there is nothing wrong if a couple has a desire to have kids. Basically, having children is the goal of almost all married couples. However, has the decision to have children been carefully considered?

Immature considerations in deciding to have children can lead to fatal consequences, such as loss of commitment to parenting, violent fights because of children, or stunted physical and psychological development of children. The followings are things that need further attention, to help you consider the decision to have children.

1. Reasons for having children

• Each couple needs to be open about their motivation for having children. Thus, the commitment to parenting can be stronger.
• Bad habits of each partner also need to be discussed, which ones need to be stopped before the child is born.
• Discuss the fair distribution of responsibilities
• Discuss the delivery method to be taken

2. Financial preparation

• Make a budget planning, which includes regular income and expenses of both the wife and the husband, and also the nominal that must be saved every month. Be open and honest with your partner about this.
• Calculate expenses during pregnancy and the first few years of birth
• Calculate your child's future school fees, which will continue to increase over time
• Plan for unexpected events, such as having twins. Provide more money for expenses at birth

3. Parenting related planning

• Discuss who will take care of the children in the future. Is it possible for one of the spouses to stop working to raise children in the early years of birth?
• Were parents or siblings involved to help raise the children?
• Do you need a baby sitter? (If yes, also consider the costs and all kinds of risks to the child)

4. Accomodation planning

• Consider whether there is enough room in the house for the child, both when he is still a baby and when he has already grown up?
• Is it necessary to live near a parent's house, to help with child care?
• Is it necessary to move house? Consider also whether there is a school nearby.
• Do both parties agree/disagree about child care?

5. Mental preparation

• Be aware of the risks, such as the wife may experience :
  • postpartum depression
  • nausea and weight gain
  • weird cravings for various kinds of food
  • body aches.
• Find out about the impact and symptoms in pregnancy, and after giving birth.
• Take classes on parenting, birth preparation, yoga, and so on.
• Find what kind of support you will have and who will provide it

Last,

Preparation for having children is important. However, married couples also need to prepare for events that do not meet expectations, such as not being able to have children. Prepare each partner mentally, and discuss, what you will do when that happens.

Having children is not an obligation that must be done by all married couples. But having children and being committed to raising them to the fullest is the obligation of all parents.

Theofania Natasya Rukma S.Psi

BluBridge Center

References :

https://www.ifec.org.hk/web/en/parent/tips-for-parents/thinking-of-having-children.page

https://www.verywellfamily.com/mentally-preparing-for-pregnancy-4147838

https://www.beingtheparent.com/things-to-consider-before-having-a-baby/

Having kids, Preparation in having kids, having kids consideration, couple discussion topic, consideration, what to do before having a children

Newborn 0 - 6 Months / Newborn 0 - 6 Bulan / Marriage & Relationship / Hubungan Suami & Istri / Family / Keluarga / Things to consider before deciding to have kids

Comments