• Published by Salma Safira Sukma from BehaviorPALS Center 

Having family rules is important to maintain family structure. Good family rules should be specific and consistent, but most importantly all family members should understand and agree to the rules. Therefore, although parents will most likely be the one in charge of making final decisions about family rules, this does not mean that the children should be cast out of the making process.

Involving children in developing family rules is about taking their perspectives into account as well as respecting their opinions. It is important that children participate in the process since it will give them the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings on some issues and decisions that will affect them. Children may have different views on some rules in which parents have to recognize and appreciate. This means parents don’t simply let children take full control of the process and decide entirely on what the rules will be.

One of the main functions of having family rules is to help your kids learn what behaviors are cool and not cool. By involving the children in developing rules, it will be easier for them to understand why the rules are created and needed. They will also be more supportive of the rules if they have been part of developing it. Eventually, it will also encourage the children to accept the rules and stick to them.

Spending time making family rules with your children can be a fun activity which will increase family engagement and relationship to be more positive and peaceful. Even children as young as three years old can take part in the discussion and be asked about how they feel. Parents may also discuss rules that will be relevant to them and relate to their day-to-day experiences or activities. In addition, it is crucial to make sure that they understand the rules. Parents may do this by asking the children to repeat what the rules are with their own words.

It is also important for parents to tell their children that they hold an important part in the discussion. Parents may ask for the children’s opinions or concerns and allow them to have questions about the rules that are being discussed. As children get older, they can take a bigger part in giving input to the rules. Participating in the making process of family rules can also be a good opportunity for older children and teenagers to take responsibility for their own behavior. It helps promote children’s sense of control and self-efficacy that will increase their adherence to the rules which have been made. Children will also get the chance to observe and learn about decision making which is important for them to become a good decision maker in the future.

References:

Essentials for parenting toddlers and preschoolers: Creating rules. (2019, November 5). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/structure/rules.html

Family rules. (2019, May 9). Raising Children Network Australia. Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/behaviour/rules-consequences/family-rules#who-to-involve-in-making-the-rules-nav-title

Involving children in decision making. (n.d.). Commissioner for Children and Young People Tasmania. Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://www.childcomm.tas.gov.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Guide-to-making-decisions-booklet.pdf

Involving children: A guide to engaging children in decision-making. (n.d.). Ministry of Social Development New Zealand. Retrieved July 8, 2022, from https://www.msd.govt.nz/documents/about-msd-and-our-work/publications-resources/archive/2003-involving-children.pdf

Miller, V. A. (2018). Optimizing children’s involvement in decision making required moving beyond the concept of ability. The American Journal of Bioethics, 18(3), 20-22. https://doi.org/10.1080/15265161.2017.1418923 

Ruhe, K. M., De Clercq, E., Wangmo, T., & Elger, B. S. (2016). Relational capacity: Broadening the notion of decision-making capacity in paediatric healthcare. Bioethical Inquiry, 13(4), 515–524. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11673-016-9735-z 

By: Salma Safira Sukma Ikhsani, S.Psi. from BehaviorPALS Center

familiy, kids, family rules

Children 4 Years - 6 Years / 4 Tahun - 6 Tahun / Parenting / Pola Asuh / Family / Keluarga / Involving Your Kids in Making Family Rules

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