• Published by Salsabilatuzzahra Jaha S.Psi. from BehaviorPALS Center 

Hello parents! Remember that honesty is the main key to trust? So is building a relationship. Honesty must be instilled in children from parents. Parents must be honest with their children. Vice versa. Because like parents, so do children. However, in practice sometimes there are still obstacles to applying honesty to children. Especially when parents have to refuse a child's request or when a child asks questions that parents may find difficult to answer. So to find out how to see the following information:

1. Be honest to keep your child's trust!

Honesty is the key to trust. Children's trust is very important to maintain in building children's respect. Remember parents! that basically children are born with conditions that believe in their parents. It is the parents who play a role in maintaining or destroying the child's trust. How do you keep his trust? by always telling the truth to children. If indeed you refuse a child's request with reasons for the child's health, then convey this. For example, when your child says he wants candy but you forbid it because you are afraid that your child will have a toothache. Then give an honest reason for forbidding that candy is not allowed because later it will hurt your teeth, don't give an excuse because you don't have money. Especially after that, your child sees that there is money in your wallet. Then the child will know that his parents are lying. Don't let this happen. Or even you use a harsh tone in rejecting the child's request without the child being given a reason. This might work, but of course, which one is better? obedient children because they believe in their parents or obedient children because they are afraid of their parents?

2. When you want to refuse a child's wishes, how do you do it?

Children learn from their parents. So be parents who are honest in speaking, and also honest in every action. If your child asks for something, respond honestly. Rejecting or accepting a child's request must also be honest. Likewise, when children ask questions, answer honestly

Some parents think that toddlers or children under 5 years old cannot accept explanations. Even though the child can actually understand the explanation as long as the parents convey it simply. If so, how do you convey it? Speak honestly, speak softly full of love. Parents should also get used to inviting children to dialogue. When you want to provide an explanation or dialogue, you can:

• listen to each other

Parents must listen to the child well before responding to the child's answer. Do not interrupt the conversation before the child has finished expressing his opinion or feelings.

• Clearly and honestly state the reason for prohibiting or rejecting the child's wishes.

State clearly the reason why you are banning them. Be honest about the reasons and don't make excuses. For example, when you forbid your child from eating ice cream because he is sick, but you explain reasons for forbidding it, such as "You can't eat ice cream because dad doesn't have money" even though dad has money. If the child knows that his father is lying, then the child will feel lied to. That way, the child's trust in his parents will fade. So be honest if the reason for forbidding it is because you are sick, give a simple understanding and explanation to your child.

• Calm down when the child doesn't accept it.

When we give an explanation but the child doesn't accept it, stay calm. If the child has finished talking, respond to the child by remaining calm and friendly. Take care not to raise your voice because this actually provokes children to raise their voices too so that they are even more excited about threats.

3. The child asks difficult questions. What should I answer?

Some of the moments when parents have difficulty speaking honestly to children are when children ask difficult questions. These difficult questions can be questions that parents really don't know the answers to or questions that parents may find difficult to explain to their children. Very often in the end parents will answer lies. In fact, that's not quite right. Sometimes, being honest when unable to answer difficult questions actually makes children trust and respect their parents more. Complete trust makes children believe that if parents speak the truth, they will be honest. There must be a foundation that can be held. So for the above, parents can do this:

• Respond to child's questions

Hurry up to answer the child's questions. Respond kindly. Not slow, nor hasty. When are parents called in a hurry to answer children's questions? If the parents do not understand the meaning of the child's question, they are in a hurry to give an answer. In the end, the parents will give a superficial answer.

Examples of what we can do: "I know the answer, son. But Mother is still confused about how to explain to you. Mother, think about how to answer it so you can easily understand.”

• If you don't know the answer, be honest that you don't know.

What should parents do if they know the answers to children's questions? Tell me honestly that Mom and Dad don't know. Thank them and show appreciation. Make Father Mother's ignorance an opportunity to encourage her to be passionate about studying.

The above needs parents always apply to the family. That way, you will maintain the family's trust and you will be respected by your children. The key to the closeness of the relationship between children and parents is trust. I hope it is useful!

By Salsabilatuzzahra Jaha S.Psi from the BehaviorPALS Center

Source 

Hasbi, M., Adhim, M. F., Maryana, & Ngasmawi, M. (2020). Cara Sederhana Agar Anak Mencintai Orang Tua. Jakarta: KEMDIKBUD RI.

https://paudpedia.kemdikbud.go.id/uploads/anggun/images/30_buku_orang_tua/14_CARA_SEDERHANA_AGAR_ANAK_MENCINTAI_ORANG_TUA_.pdf 

Children, Parenting, Refuse child's request

Children 4 Years - 6 Years / 4 Tahun - 6 Tahun / Parenting / Pola Asuh / Family / Keluarga / How to refuse a child's request? Tips for telling the truth to children!

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